My name is Bruin, and this is my first time ever watching The Bachelorette. Today we lost one of the sweetest men on the show to a freak accident and also David fell out of bed.
The show kicked off with some action as Colton, who thinks he’s in the clear when he gets a group date invite, is actually being led into a trap. Colton and Tia were looking awkward as hell at the first sight of each other since they dated. Becca cut the tension when she one-upped the awkwardness by forgetting Jason’s name. Ouch. To be fair, I forgot Jason’s name as well.
In a wild twist of fate, Becca forgetting Jason’s name seemed to have worked in his favor. He played it very smoothly and lands the first kiss of the night.
From the sounds of it, Colton was hedging his bets thinking Tia would be the bachelorette. Let’s hope Becca doesn’t take a chance and keep him around.
Jordan, who’s head is growing by the minute, tells the guys about his 4000 Tinder matches at a blistering 100 percent match rate. David expresses some concern to Becca about it and all hell breaks loose.
Jordan explains to Becca that he is a golden retriever. He then confronts David the instigating chicken-man and tells him that attached to him is his face, and David can never take that way from him. More on this feud next week.
Becca showed that it doesn’t take much to move past betrayal when she gave Colton a rose after a very brief conversation that he BS’d his way through. (everyone, I full-on dislike Colton now, I am sorry if you find him handsome or whatever).
Chris and Becca went on a group date, but it was interrupted for a special look at the next season of The Bachelor:
The big drama of the week came to light when David fell out of bed. Not a fight, nothing to do with Jordan, nope. He fell out of bed. Jordan did make the most of it when he “David proofed” the beds by putting railings up on the top bunk then stated that “chickens can’t fly.” Boom. Roasted.
The guys strapped on their hockey helmets (?) and the Becca Bowl kicked off. Clay looked like a pro playing with a bunch of average men. Which is exactly what this was. Clay balled-out but ended up in the second ambulance of the episode after he hurt his wrist on the final play.
Clay, who received a rose in the second group date, was put in an absolutely heart-wrenching position when he was forced to choose between his career and Becca. He chose right, but it was still brutal to watch.
And that’s it. The show ended on a very sad note.
Jordan — Jordan had over 4000 Tinder matches in 2017. At 100 percent success rate. Though he wasn’t the focal point of the episode, he’s still my favorite asshole.
Chris–– Chris went from a sulking four-year-old to a heartthrob lyrical genius after Becca talked him off the song writing ledge. He did it with a jean vest on. He did well on his first solo date with Becca, even if it was interrupted by you know who.
Clay — Put on a football clinic with the guys and ended up with the rose from the group date after his wrist injury. I love Clay. He’s one of the guys who is relatable and sweet, which is unexpected considering he is a professional athlete. It sucked seeing him go and I’m stating here and now that he is in the running with Joe the grocer as the two who would have won if given the chance.
David — “Cheers to you being a b***h, David! You are a skeleton of a man.” Jordan didn’t take it well when David told Becca all about his Tinder experiences. I feel a lot worse quoting Jordan about David after his bed-time incident. Unlike Jordan, attached to David is no longer his face. You know what they say, snitches get stitches!
Lincoln — Lincoln really hoped David wasn’t going to die! Come on, Lincoln. Mr. Extra looks like an athlete but during the football date it was as if he only started using his legs yesterday. For someone built like a Mack truck, Lincoln runs like Bambi on ice.
Bachelorette Twitter says that Lincoln is annoying and may be faking his accent. We’ll keep a close eye on this.
Donald Trump and Kim Jong-Un — Just a couple of eligible bachelors checkin’ in mid-episode. Unfortunately, neither got a rose. Kim Jong likely has more Tinder matches than Jordan though.
Next episode we get the return of David, which Jordan thinks is hilarious given his mangled face. Based on the clips they showed us, I’d bet on some Colton drama in the next episode. I could be wrong though because they edit the show in a way that throws you off completely (See: David falling out of bed).
From the looks of it, the only guy who hasn’t gotten a kiss gets one in the next episode as well. Welcome to the show, Christian or John or something? I’m not sure what your name is yet.
From the looks of it, we have another action packed episode next week. We trade in the ambulances for liars as one of the men gets exposed for not having the right intentions. I’m already looking forward to seeing Colton leave!
Until next week.